About Me

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I have spent a great deal of my life battling illness. I suffered from Crohn's Disease and eventually had abdominal surgery, thwarting the Crohn's and budding cancer cells. Since my surgery in 1995 I have been relatively free from Crohns', although I had several subsequent surgeries related to my ileostomy..When my disease was in remission, I don't think my husband realized how bad it could get, but he has stood by me. I also have suffered from various autoimmune disorders and am diagnosed with Stage IV Kidney Disease. Fortunately, I am maintaining and do not need dialysis at this point. We adopted our son and later found out he had cerebral palsy, so he became my career. Dan has had two surgeries and tons of therapy and is able to walk because of it. He is a college graduate and is employed as an Information Specialist. We are very proud of his accomplishements. I am now part of the retired generation and still getting used to the idea. I do enjoy crafting, traveling and being with family and friends. I am active in my church and feel that the hardships we endure are there to build our faith. I like to live life in the "now" as we never know how much time is left.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Climbing out of My Hole

Yesterday I started to shut down. I am sorry, but I couldn't handle anyone's problems or complaints. I just didn't want to think about anything special so I didn't.

Hubby, son and I were on our way to a flea market. The day was beautiful when Jim got a call. They wanted him to work further away from home, so it meant a road trip for him which meant he would have to get home earlier and end our day. He had plans to stop at the casino. Well, it became a choice...flea market or casino. Unfortunately casino won out. Spent all day in a smokey casino instead of the beautiful sunshine!

The biggest problem is when there are three of us is we can never find one of us! I would have been ready to leave much earlier, but I was not the driver. I have a problem. When I am in a casino I keep spending money till it's gone. I borrow from my husband, and he gives it to me. He is my enabler. I know, it's my fault, my shameful addiction. I don't like to tell my friends or family. I am ashamed, so I shut down. I climb in a mental hole. I really need your prayers.

I crawled in bed (alone) and watched "America's Got Talent." Bubble gum for my brain.

Today is a new day. I will finish my laundry, and if my fatigue doesn't set in, will do some cleaning. Tomorrow I am getting my hair cut and colored. Wish me luck.

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