About Me

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I have spent a great deal of my life battling illness. I suffered from Crohn's Disease and eventually had abdominal surgery, thwarting the Crohn's and budding cancer cells. Since my surgery in 1995 I have been relatively free from Crohns', although I had several subsequent surgeries related to my ileostomy..When my disease was in remission, I don't think my husband realized how bad it could get, but he has stood by me. I also have suffered from various autoimmune disorders and am diagnosed with Stage IV Kidney Disease. Fortunately, I am maintaining and do not need dialysis at this point. We adopted our son and later found out he had cerebral palsy, so he became my career. Dan has had two surgeries and tons of therapy and is able to walk because of it. He is a college graduate and is employed as an Information Specialist. We are very proud of his accomplishements. I am now part of the retired generation and still getting used to the idea. I do enjoy crafting, traveling and being with family and friends. I am active in my church and feel that the hardships we endure are there to build our faith. I like to live life in the "now" as we never know how much time is left.

Monday, August 1, 2011

When is Grieving Over?

Yesterday my sister came home from church and phoned me.  She was incoherent; she was crying so hard.  The house was empty and everything makes her miss her husband who passed away a little over a year ago.  When is the grief supposed to be over?  A friend thinks she should not be having these days anymore.  I think it depends on the relationship one had with the departed.

Connie and Dale were high school sweethearts.  They were married 45 years.  He was her best friend, her lover and sweetheart.  Connie is retired.  Her grandson who lived with her has gone into the service.  Her son is in another city, her daughter is in her own world.

Hubby and I went to get her and brought her over to our house.  By then, she had calmed down as another one of her grandsons had tried to console her.  (Her house is open all the time to her grandsons.)  My sister spent the day with me.

We discussed that maybe she needs a plan.  Maybe she should have her son and daughter meet with her and get the house cleaned in the event that she would want to sell it.  Maybe for a short term goal she could do something with the living room.  Sell the oriental furninture and things...redecorate!  Are these just bandaids or do you think it is time for professional counseling?  I love my sister and hate to see her in so much pain.


Linda said...

I don't think she should not be missing Dale, it just seems like it should be more bearable....maybe other days are OK and yesterday something just 'snapped'. It sounds like that was a major 'breakdown' for her..... so sad. Yes, sometimes spouses do die of heartbreak.

Ofelia said...

Sometimes memories just come running in and takes us to places that we thought we move from. You are doing the right thing by being there at times that is all you can do.

Pixie said...

Grief is a very personal thing and we all move thru it at our own pace. if you think it has gone on too long, contact your local hosipce to see if they do (or know of someone who does ) grief counseling. Sometimes it takes us a bit longer to get thru the stages. My dad has been dead almost four years and I still have crying fits over him.