About Me

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I have spent a great deal of my life battling illness. I suffered from Crohn's Disease and eventually had abdominal surgery, thwarting the Crohn's and budding cancer cells. Since my surgery in 1995 I have been relatively free from Crohns', although I had several subsequent surgeries related to my ileostomy..When my disease was in remission, I don't think my husband realized how bad it could get, but he has stood by me. I also have suffered from various autoimmune disorders and am diagnosed with Stage IV Kidney Disease. Fortunately, I am maintaining and do not need dialysis at this point. We adopted our son and later found out he had cerebral palsy, so he became my career. Dan has had two surgeries and tons of therapy and is able to walk because of it. He is a college graduate and is employed as an Information Specialist. We are very proud of his accomplishements. I am now part of the retired generation and still getting used to the idea. I do enjoy crafting, traveling and being with family and friends. I am active in my church and feel that the hardships we endure are there to build our faith. I like to live life in the "now" as we never know how much time is left.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Waiting for the Shoe to Drop

Hospice:  Medicine/Medical. a.a health-care facility for the terminally ill that emphasizes pain control and emotional support for the patient and family, typically refraining from taking extraordinary measures to prolong life.

Does this mean my Mom can't try to be well?  Aren't we all terminal?  I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Usually when Hospice is suggested, it means the patient has less than six months to live.  But, how can I live like this?  I can't make plans.  I am afraid to move forward.

Yesterday I had the blues, because I miss my lunches over by Mom next to my workplace.  It's not the food, although Mom was an awesome cook, but just being there and watching "Days of Our Lives" together.
I miss the kiss goodbye and the dog barking at me. 

I can no longer park facing Mom's apartment building.

I work with her doctor and want him to make her better.

It's 4am and I can't sleep again.  I have to work today.

Mom can accept her impending fate, why can't I?


Pixie said...

It is so hard to let go. My mom was my best friend. I grieved for 4 years after she died and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her, but the reality was that she was a very ill woman and had been for years. If the price to pay for her not suffering was my broken heart, then so be it. It was worth it. Have you thought about counseling? Many hospices offer it now for families needing support.

Gill - That British Woman said...

you need to be strong for your mother's sake.....