About Me

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I have spent a great deal of my life battling illness. I suffered from Crohn's Disease and eventually had abdominal surgery, thwarting the Crohn's and budding cancer cells. Since my surgery in 1995 I have been relatively free from Crohns', although I had several subsequent surgeries related to my ileostomy..When my disease was in remission, I don't think my husband realized how bad it could get, but he has stood by me. I also have suffered from various autoimmune disorders and am diagnosed with Stage IV Kidney Disease. Fortunately, I am maintaining and do not need dialysis at this point. We adopted our son and later found out he had cerebral palsy, so he became my career. Dan has had two surgeries and tons of therapy and is able to walk because of it. He is a college graduate and is employed as an Information Specialist. We are very proud of his accomplishements. I am now part of the retired generation and still getting used to the idea. I do enjoy crafting, traveling and being with family and friends. I am active in my church and feel that the hardships we endure are there to build our faith. I like to live life in the "now" as we never know how much time is left.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Depression

What came first....the chicken or the egg?

That is my story.  What came first....depression or my job?

Yesterday was a horrible day.  It started a little after 8am with a goof up by me and two others, but I took the brunt of it.  Then at noon I was reprimanded by my inability to schedule a certain type of appointment.  In my defense, I don't have the opportunity to schedule those appointments too often.
But the tears began to fall.  I don't handle criticism well.  I feel like a major disappointment to myself, to my supervisor, etc.  At the end of the day, the cash drawer didn't balance, and of course, that had to be me!   Oh how I wish I could just quit my job, but I have bills, and I'm no quitter.
Still, I wish they would just let me go.  Then I could collect unemployment.

I am not depressed enough to qualify as disabled.  I am just depressed enough to be a detriment to wherever I work.  No one likes a depressed person or someone who cries.  It doesn't look good.  It makes people uncomfortable.  You see, there is still a stigma.  It is okay to be depressed as long as you keep it to yourself.

Today I am having lunch with a friend and we are visiting another who had surgery.  Tomorrow, my supervisor has off, so I have a two day break!

Things have to get better.

4 comments:

GARAGE SALE GAL said...

Sorry that you are having bad days. Are you able to take medicine for your depression?! I hope so. Or maybe you need to "up" your dosage...talk with your dr!!!
Deb

NanaDiana said...

Oh-I hope things smooth out for you...and I am sorry you struggle with depression. xo Diana

Gill - That British Woman said...

Don't have any advise, sorry you are having to go through this though.

Gill

Ofelia said...

I hope that you find the strength to get better and to deal with some of the difficult people that you have to work with.