About Me

My photo
I have spent a great deal of my life battling illness. I suffered from Crohn's Disease and eventually had abdominal surgery, thwarting the Crohn's and budding cancer cells. Since my surgery in 1995 I have been relatively free from Crohns', although I had several subsequent surgeries related to my ileostomy..When my disease was in remission, I don't think my husband realized how bad it could get, but he has stood by me. I also have suffered from various autoimmune disorders and am diagnosed with Stage IV Kidney Disease. Fortunately, I am maintaining and do not need dialysis at this point. We adopted our son and later found out he had cerebral palsy, so he became my career. Dan has had two surgeries and tons of therapy and is able to walk because of it. He is a college graduate and is employed as an Information Specialist. We are very proud of his accomplishements. I am now part of the retired generation and still getting used to the idea. I do enjoy crafting, traveling and being with family and friends. I am active in my church and feel that the hardships we endure are there to build our faith. I like to live life in the "now" as we never know how much time is left.

Monday, April 28, 2014

My Journey Coming to an End

I write this blog to clear my head of sorts.  This is my story of one journey ending.  It is 4:10am and I should be sleeping, but I blog.
Time to face the music.  We met at the funeral home.  Words were exchanged between my brother and us girls.  (Let it go.)  Things can be the way he wants them to be.  That said, the mortician is very nice...this business has been in his family for some time.  (He is younger than me but we shared a class at the university.  I wondered then how he could want to be a mortician?)
The most difficult part of that visit was when he gave us the jewelry that Mom always wore:  two rings and her watch.  I made sure my sister got Mom's good ring and I took the one that my son gave her one year.  I also have her watch.  It is all scratched up, but it is Mom's. The act of  receiving the jewelry was so painfully final.
Mom is being cremated and the service will be a Christian burial.  I picked out three  songs that my son can download and be played on cassette:  "The Old Rugged Cross," "Amazing Grace" and "How Great Thou Art" all done by country artists as my mom sure did like her country!  My sister and I will do a picture board.
I had picked up some boxes to be filled as we have to empty the room by Monday (today).  Walking down the hall of the health care center, the tears started to flow.  I was the first one there and alone.  Mom was not in her chair; her bed had already been stripped.  I called hubby and asked him to come.
We are donating the lift chair to the center and also much of her clothing.  What do we do with all of her stuffed animals?  They will use them for Bingo prizes.
My head and heart were pounding all day.  I couldn't relax or sleep.  I did laundry and looked for things for the funeral.  I spent a large amount of time on the phone, especially with my friend Linda, who lost her own mother (was it last year?).  I am also getting closer to another friend who had lost a mother.  I never realized the pain.  We all spoke of how peacefully Mom went and that she is with the Lord.  I still miss her though.


NanaDiana said...

Grieving is such a process, isn't it? I hope that today is a smooth one for you as you take care of final details. Death is never easy to handle even when you know a person isn't well. It is still a shock that they are finally gone.

Sending up prayers for you, Deb. xo Diana

Linda said...

Although she's not there physically she will always be with you!!!

Skyline Spirit said...

pretty nice blog, following :)

Shelly Katzung said...

I feel for your loss of your loving mother....it certainly isn't easy to go through. Moms love us unconditionally. We know them all of our lives, and love them and hold them dearest to our hearts. They only know us, maybe half their lives, and love us more than we can ever know. I don't know how many times, I STILL, after 30 yrs of my mom passing, get an urge just to call her and hear her voice. Just know that she is with you always, and lives on through you.

Carolee said...

Shelly said it well.
Now it is time for you to remember the happy times and the memories will always be with you. We are so lucky to have had our mothers with us until they were 94! So many don't have that privilege. Hugs.