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I have spent a great deal of my life battling illness. I suffered from Crohn's Disease and eventually had abdominal surgery, thwarting the Crohn's and budding cancer cells. Since my surgery in 1995 I have been relatively free from Crohn's.When my disease was in remission. I don't think my husband realized how bad it could get, but he has stood by me. We adopted our son and later found out he had cerebral palsy, so he became my career. Dan has had two surgeries and is able to walk because of them. He is a college graduate and is employed as an Information Specialist. We are very proud of his accomplishements. I am now part of the retired generation and still getting used to the idea. I do enjoy crafting, traveling and being with family and friends. I am active in my church and feel that the hardships we endure are there to build our faith. I like to live life in the "now" as we never know how much time is left.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Frustrated

I went to the doctor (nurse practitioner...can't get in to see a doctor anymore!) for my shortness of breath.
My oxygen level was good, my lungs sounded clear, so she gave me a prescription for antibiotics.  Still I feel like I need to open my airway and breathe!  Why is it so stuffy every where?  Allergies?  Why does my chest feel congested?

Talked to her about my mosquito bites.  There is nothing she could suggest other than Benadryl and cortizone cream which I was already doing.

When telling her about my diagnosis of bronchitis in late March, I brought up the subject of my Mom and the tears started to flow.  She said although grieving is normal, now is not the time to be going off of my antidepressants.  So, I call the psychiatrist's office to ask her.  They called back and told me to go back on them and see her in six weeks.  Maybe I would benefit from seeing one of their therapists.  NO!  I don't want to sit there and talk about how I miss my Mom and cry.  What is the point.

My husband doesn't think I am depressed.  I don't go around the house crying or cry myself to sleep.  It is just when I get on the subject of Mom.  Everyone reacts differently and I cry buckets watching The Titanic even though I know that Jack dies and the ship goes down!  That is just who I am.

I will take the antidepressant for the six weeks but I really question if that is what I need, or if I just need more time to grieve.

4 comments:

Wanda said...

Good Morning dear ~ Just popping over from your comment. So happy to have you as a new follower.

I read your profile, and smiled several times as we love the same movies and music.. I love the Lord with all my heart too.
I have experiences losses, like everyone and some are harder than others. You mentioned you dear mom and how you miss her. Your wound is fresh...my is old, and I still miss my mom so much. She passed away with cancer in 1991. Time helps, the Lord helps, but missing moms...that will hurt until we are reunited in heaven. So for now let the tears flow. The Bible says God collects those tears and saves them in a bottle.. perhaps with us,,,it's a bucket. But I'm praying that God will give me comfort and peace.
Sending Love and Hugs
Your new friend, Wanda

Wanda said...

Sorry, my last line I meant to say give YOU and me comfort.

NanaDiana said...

Maybe you need both of those, Deb...the antidepressant and more time to grieve. I can still barely stand to think about my Dad being gone without my eyes filling with tears...and he died when I was 21!~!!!! It is just who we are.

And,maybe, because you aren't feeling well it makes it all the harder for you right now. That shortness of breath,etc., sounds almost like allergies to me-especially seeing how you reacted to the mosquito bites.

Have a good day, my friend, and remember that you can turn it over to God 100 times a day if you need to-xo Diana

~Lavender Dreamer~ said...

It's so hard to know because meds can play havoc with your emotions, too. I will keep you in my prayers my friend and hope you feel much better soon. You've gotten some good comments above mine. Everyone cares about you, sweet lady. Take care of yourself. Hugs, Diane