About Me

My photo
I have spent a great deal of my life battling illness. I suffered from Crohn's Disease and eventually had abdominal surgery, thwarting the Crohn's and budding cancer cells. Since my surgery in 1995 I have been relatively free from Crohns', although I had several subsequent surgeries related to my ileostomy..When my disease was in remission, I don't think my husband realized how bad it could get, but he has stood by me. I also have suffered from various autoimmune disorders and am diagnosed with Stage IV Kidney Disease. Fortunately, I am maintaining and do not need dialysis at this point. We adopted our son and later found out he had cerebral palsy, so he became my career. Dan has had two surgeries and tons of therapy and is able to walk because of it. He is a college graduate and is employed as an Information Specialist. We are very proud of his accomplishements. I am now part of the retired generation and still getting used to the idea. I do enjoy crafting, traveling and being with family and friends. I am active in my church and feel that the hardships we endure are there to build our faith. I like to live life in the "now" as we never know how much time is left.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Today I Wanted to be with Jesus.

This morning I had a meltdown at church.  I went to the rest room, collected myself, and then went back in and cried some more.  Maybe it was all the singing about taking my last breath and being with the Lord and all, but it made me think of my mom.
 
Tomorrow would have been her 95th birthday.  For years she celebrated it on the 21st since she was told that was the date when she was born.  However, when she needed to apply for Social Security, she had to get her birth certificate and have it translated to English.  She was born on the 22nd!  Seems for 60 some years she had the wrong date!  Back in 1919, mom was born at home and was delivered slightly after midnight.
It is a cute story.
 
After church, the pastor's wife (and my friend) came up to me to see what was wrong.
We talked.  I told her besides grieving, I often wished that I had a disease that I could just get some treatment for or have an operation and be done with it.  But noooooooooo!
This is how I am and will most likely always be.  It is not enough that I have had to battle Crohn's Disease, have had intensive surgery, have stage IV  Kidney Disease.  I suffer with depression and that gets pretty darn sickening!  I am sick of going back and forth with medication.  I just want to be normal.
 
It seems we all have something and must suffer as long as we live in this world.
Today I wanted to be with Jesus.


6 comments:

Sandies' Patch said...

Come on girl you can do this! Life is worth living despite the set backs, though you certainly feel it's not. You are lucky in that, you have support from the Pastors' wife and fellow church goers.
Really, would your Mom be looking down on you and think that giving up is a good idea?
As much as you might wish to join your Mom, make this life work for you, help others and you'll soon see that you are blessed with untold joys. I know it's a cliche but, there are always others who are far worse off than you!
Hugs xxx

Sandy said...

((HUGS))

boopnut said...

Oh, I don't want to die. I just want peace. I just get so sick of the depression.
Deb

Linda said...

I figured today would be hard for you. As for the depression... I am sure it can be a pain in the tush to be so sensitive....not sure what you can do other than adjust meds.

Carolee said...

Hugs! The first year is soooooo hard! I will be dealing with the second year next month.
Maybe, some day they will get your drugs right so you feel better.

NanaDiana said...

I think that is what they call "sick of being sick". I am sorry you have to deal with everything you do, Deb. Maybe they need to adjust your meds somehow? xo Diana