About Me

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I have spent a great deal of my life battling illness. I suffered from Crohn's Disease and eventually had abdominal surgery, thwarting the Crohn's and budding cancer cells. Since my surgery in 1995 I have been relatively free from Crohns', although I had several subsequent surgeries related to my ileostomy..When my disease was in remission, I don't think my husband realized how bad it could get, but he has stood by me. I also have suffered from various autoimmune disorders and am diagnosed with Stage IV Kidney Disease. Fortunately, I am maintaining and do not need dialysis at this point. We adopted our son and later found out he had cerebral palsy, so he became my career. Dan has had two surgeries and tons of therapy and is able to walk because of it. He is a college graduate and is employed as an Information Specialist. We are very proud of his accomplishements. I am now part of the retired generation and still getting used to the idea. I do enjoy crafting, traveling and being with family and friends. I am active in my church and feel that the hardships we endure are there to build our faith. I like to live life in the "now" as we never know how much time is left.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Depression at Christmastime

I hate depression!  Few people understand it.  They say, "get over it, things will get better."
You can't explain why you feel so sad, why the tears don't stop.
So many people have it worse than me, but still, I am sad.  I miss my Mom.
My sister misses her husband.  My girlfriend misses her health.
I don't feel like cleaning or writing out cards.  I don't care about decorations.  They remind me of the fact that my Mom won't see them.
I took a Xanax.  I called my doctor's office to advise me if I should increase my antidepressant.    They will call back this afternoon. 
I don't want to go to a grief support group.  I don't want to listen to other's cry.
I just want to get through this season.  I want Spring.
I want prayer.


Greatfull Dazeez said...

Prayers for you from here in the Ozarks. Hope you get to feeling better. I lost my brother right before Christmas 2 years ago. It makes the holidays hard for me and I cry too. But there are too many people still living that need my smile. Sometimes it wears me out pretending to be happy. You are not alone and I hope the doctors can help. I try to take it one hour at a time. xxDazee

My Grama's Soul said...

Oh my....I'm so very sorry you are having this issue. So many of us have lost loved ones in one way or another....feel your feelings and this soon shall pass. Usually a good cry helps me and just laying low and taking care of myself. Hope your blue mood lifts soon

Jo .

NanaDiana said...

Praying for you. I am sorry you deal with depression. I have a couple of good friends that suffer from depression and there is nothing I can do to help them. It is a one man (woman) battle. xo Diana

Sandy said...

((HUGS)) Debbie! I do understand depression all so well.

Gert said...

For sure my prayers are with you. I'm so sorry you are suffering during this blessed time. ((Hugs))