About Me

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I have spent a great deal of my life battling illness. I suffered from Crohn's Disease and eventually had abdominal surgery, thwarting the Crohn's and budding cancer cells. Since my surgery in 1995 I have been relatively free from Crohns', although I had several subsequent surgeries related to my ileostomy..When my disease was in remission, I don't think my husband realized how bad it could get, but he has stood by me. I also have suffered from various autoimmune disorders and am diagnosed with Stage IV Kidney Disease. Fortunately, I am maintaining and do not need dialysis at this point. We adopted our son and later found out he had cerebral palsy, so he became my career. Dan has had two surgeries and tons of therapy and is able to walk because of it. He is a college graduate and is employed as an Information Specialist. We are very proud of his accomplishements. I am now part of the retired generation and still getting used to the idea. I do enjoy crafting, traveling and being with family and friends. I am active in my church and feel that the hardships we endure are there to build our faith. I like to live life in the "now" as we never know how much time is left.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Overcoming Suffering

I had four good days without pain.  I guess I should not take the good days for granted.
 
Last night I had a terrible flare of my Interstitial Cystitis
 
 
 
I have been watching what I eat and drink, staying away from caffeine and high acid foods and beverages, but sometimes flares happen.  It has something to do with the pelvic wall. 
Mine is probably screwed up from my anatomy being changed when I had my surgery to remove my rectum and colon.  It also may be because of the tons of scar tissue that has grown within.  When
my gynecologist had to remove a fallopian tube because of a cyst, he said my it was a jungle in there with the adhesions!  Stress also plays a role.  I get stressed easily.  That could have been from stress
worrying about needing  periodontal grafting, or maybe from my best friend having cancer?  Maybe it is a combination of everything, the perfect storm, so to speak.
 
I saw my family practice doctor.  I needed to vent about this stupid disorder.  I also needed a referral for physical therapy for pelvic pain disorder.  She gave me the referral and suggested I increase my antidepressant as going through this chronic pain is very depressing.
 
No kidding!
 
So, getting back to last night.  I began having spasms in my urethra around 9pm as I was getting ready for bed. I took one of the pain meds for this specific problem.  I also took my heating pad to bed with me, writhing in pain and crying while my husband snored.  I went on the computer looking for distraction, but that didn't help.  I couldn't concentrate or pray.  In desperation, I took a tranquilizer so I would fall asleep.
 
I was so depressed this morning.  I cried a lot.  I felt sorry for myself.  I even thought I would rather die of the kidney disease than have to live with this pain, but then, I got over it and  on with life.
I did some retail therapy at Goodwill.  I bought a cute black and white fleece top and a black scarf.  I also found some cool epoxy stickers, precut card stock and envelopes.  I felt better.
 
I was feeling a little dopey all day though.  The pain pills do that to a person.
 
I watched Grey's Anatomy; the theme being why does God allow bad things to happen
to people who love Him?   Some were allowed a miracle, some not.  But in the end, He promises
to be with us.
 
 

5 comments:

Linda said...

I am so glad you had four pain free days, this is wonderful! My doctor increased my depression medication from 75 mg to 150 mg a few months ago, as I was going in the downward slump, so I understand this.

Tonight (earlier) I had a lot of pain in my wrist and fingers...apparently a serious blizzard is on its way to Montreal and I think the arthritis pain was warning me of it.

Happy Valentine's Day to you. And venting every now and then is good, it enables us to get things out!

Gill - That British Woman said...

that is no fun at all is it? Have the past couple of days been any better?

Gert said...

So sorry you are having such a bad time... And yes, (mine is nothing compared to yours) we do have our moments of wanting to give up..only to find a brighter day!!

Blessings my friend,
Gert

My Grama's Soul said...

I'm so sorry you are experiencing so much pain...just remember it does always pass.

xo

Jo

NanaDiana said...

I am so sorry you have to suffer like you do, Deb. I will never understand the reason why some people have to suffer so much in this life. You have certainly had more than your share of pain and suffering.

I am glad that you are feeling a bit better. Depression is a terrible thing. I have a couple of friends that suffer from it and it is really life altering.

I hope you have a great Sunday- xo Diana