About Me

My photo
I have spent a great deal of my life battling illness. I suffered from Crohn's Disease and eventually had abdominal surgery, thwarting the Crohn's and budding cancer cells. Since my surgery in 1995 I have been relatively free from Crohns', although I had several subsequent surgeries related to my ileostomy..When my disease was in remission, I don't think my husband realized how bad it could get, but he has stood by me. I also have suffered from various autoimmune disorders and am diagnosed with Stage IV Kidney Disease. Fortunately, I am maintaining and do not need dialysis at this point. We adopted our son and later found out he had cerebral palsy, so he became my career. Dan has had two surgeries and tons of therapy and is able to walk because of it. He is a college graduate and is employed as an Information Specialist. We are very proud of his accomplishements. I am now part of the retired generation and still getting used to the idea. I do enjoy crafting, traveling and being with family and friends. I am active in my church and feel that the hardships we endure are there to build our faith. I like to live life in the "now" as we never know how much time is left.

Monday, September 5, 2016

Monday Musings

Cancer and other Ugly Stuff
 
I decided that I don't cope with cancer very well.  My bff is the one who has this awful disease.  Another friend was also recently diagnosed.
 
I try to put my head in the sand, to retreat, to distance myself.  It is for my own self protection, but not always the kindest thing to do.
 
I wish I was stronger, a better friend.
 
I have had many ailments since my bff's diagnosis.  I know it is the stress.  That is just the way I am programmed.  I internalize things without realizing it.
 
All I can do is try to do better on both ends. It is easier for me when she is feeling good, but that's not the way to be.  Prayer would be good.
 

I love this picture of us.  We were both relatively healthy.  It was shortly after I had my Ileostomy.  Linda was such a help during that time.  She ran my Avon business for me while I was hospitalized, treated me to little gifts every day that I was in the hospital (and there were a lot!).  She has always been so supportive of me.  I am not so great.
 
*****************
 
Church
 
To me it's more that a building to worship; it is a large part of my life.  In the past I always had a good friend at church with whom to do "church things" with, whether it was a Bible Study group, a potluck or whatever.  With my bff''s  illness, this has been missing in my life.  It is not her fault.
 

Our church has an aging congregation.  I am 64, but still, don't feel THAT OLD!   There are no church retreats of interest, no small Women's Bible Study groups.  Some of it is because of our pastor's view on Bible Study and women having a Bible Study group.  (We have one, but it is run by our deaconess in the evening).  I just want something informal with a couple of Christian like minded women and it doesn't matter to me if it is ecumenical.
 
I have missed what my pastor refers to as "happy-clappy" church music.  I am not saying the hymnal has to be thrown out,  but I do like contemporary Christian music and find it uplifting. 
 
I plan on trying out a Bible study at a different church.  I might also attend a service here and there, but still remain an active member of my home church.  I hope I can do this.
 
 



6 comments:

GARAGE SALE GAL said...

You could start your own little Bible study with a couple of gals from your church...something to pray about. I know that Linda is your BFF. Just do what you can. Keep going forward :)
warmly,
deb

Terra Hangen said...

You can do it. A small women's Bible study group is a blessing to me and will be to you, no matter what church sponsors it. I think you will step up for your friend. Can you bring her a bouquet of flowers, some fresh fruit, anything that comes to mind that shows her you care.

White Lace and Promises said...

I just lost a friend back home to cancer yesterday. It's hard when you're away because there's so little you can do and you can't really grieve it either. She came to see us before we left. I think she knew. She messaged me in the Spring and said that it had returned with a vengeance . Breaks my heart. I too internalize. Thus the stomach pain. I have another friend who has had what you had but she is not doing as well. Sometimes a note helps when that's all we have to give and of course, prayer. Prayers for you and remember to take care of yourself.
I went through this with my church at home and when we moved here. Find you a Bible study and go. It will be good for you. Of course it's hard at first but invite a friend to go with you.

Oliva Ohlson said...

Praying for your BFF, and I know you're a great friend to her! It's so hard to see someone you love being sick and you can't do anything to make it better!
Hugs!

PS: I'm glad you're willing to go out and check out other churches. Sometimes you just have to do that!

Linda said...

I love that photo!!! We were so young and looking good! Looking carefree and happy. I was happy to take care of business when you couldn't.....that is what i do. I don't like to burden friends and family about my health...that is another thing I do. Sorry I am not at church with you.............I just need to make myself go.

Linda said...

Lovely photo, Deb! I really like the comments you have received on this post. Much love and hugs to you.