About Me

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I have spent a great deal of my life battling illness. I suffered from Crohn's Disease and eventually had abdominal surgery, thwarting the Crohn's and budding cancer cells. Since my surgery in 1995 I have been relatively free from Crohns', although I had several subsequent surgeries related to my ileostomy..When my disease was in remission, I don't think my husband realized how bad it could get, but he has stood by me. I also have suffered from various autoimmune disorders and am diagnosed with Stage IV Kidney Disease. Fortunately, I am maintaining and do not need dialysis at this point. We adopted our son and later found out he had cerebral palsy, so he became my career. Dan has had two surgeries and tons of therapy and is able to walk because of it. He is a college graduate and is employed as an Information Specialist. We are very proud of his accomplishements. I am now part of the retired generation and still getting used to the idea. I do enjoy crafting, traveling and being with family and friends. I am active in my church and feel that the hardships we endure are there to build our faith. I like to live life in the "now" as we never know how much time is left.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Life is Like a Bad Dream

I tried going to Silver Sneakers, our exercise class at the Senior Center, but it is difficult to go without Linda.  Also, I need the time for her or for myself when I am not with her.

On November 4th, Linda, my sister, and me went out to lunch.  Linda was having trouble with her balance, but if she walked slowly, she could do it.  A little over a week later, everything was different. We had a nice visit, although she could no longer be trusted to walk on her own.  It was good.  We held each other and cried.  Said we would always be friends.  The next day some of her grandkids came to visit, and that, too, was an eye opener for them.  Still, it was a nice visit, and the kids were glad to see Grandma, and she, them.

 She had fallen twice, the last time ending up with her in the hospital.  She had just gone limp in her husband's arms, and he called the ambulance.  That was in the wee hours of
November 15th.  Her husband called me that morning.  She stayed in the hospital until that Friday and began her radiation treatments.

On Friday she was moved to a group home.  On Kevin's days off, he is with her from about 9:30 till bedtime.  I have been there most days.  She always has a friend or relative accompanying her in the van to radiation near the hospital.  We stay until after she has eaten lunch.
She no longer goes on her phone or laptop.  Mostly she just rests.

The goal for Linda is to stay strong enough to be able to go home on Christmas Day.

My Thanksgiving was a lot of work, and hardly seems worth it for the few of us.  I did have my nephew, Linda's stepson, here for the meal.

I do not feel like crafting, like making cards, like socializing.  I want to crawl in bed and have this all be over with.   It is like a really bad dream from which we cannot wake up.



While it is hard for you, I think of Linda often and how near the time is for her to go home to Jesus...it is wonderful that you are spending so much time with her. I still miss my BFF and it's been 4 years since she went to heaven. Just take one day at a time.

Sandy said...

I have a lot of guilt, but it is so hard for me to get there and my afternoons are not good, which seems to be better for her. Hopefully she can call me today, I will be home all day.(unless something
suddenly changes)

Vicky Hunt said...

I am so sorry to hear that the cancer has progressed to this point. It is so very difficult to watch someone you love so dearly battle this monster. Today marks 5 years since we lost my dear father in law to this dreadful disease. I pray Linda will get better and that she won't suffer and be in any pain. Please give her my regards and let her know I am praying for her.

Theresa said...

Thank you for posting an update! I woke up with Linda on my mind this morning and praying for her! Please tell her that I love her and pray for God's healing hands to touch her! Have a blessed day, HUGS!

Sandra said...

Thank you for posting a comment on Linda. She has been in my thoughts and prayers. I will continue to pray and hope that she will be home for Christmas. Wishing you and your family many blessings!

NanaDiana said...

I am just catching up here,Deb. Cancer is such a thief. So awful!!! xo Diana

Lois milare said...

Thank you, I just saw your Link on the comments of Linda's last post.