Well, it's a new year! Where do I start? I start with the memorial service of my dear friend, Linda.
It was a beautiful service. The pastor really touched upon all the points about her faith that Linda wanted to share with her family. He also shared how creative and how full of fun she was. Of course, I cried, but it was kind of off and on, as it was with her family.
Last Fall, when I was having a hard time knowing how to "be" with Linda and her cancer, we went to a women's faith retreat. That weekend, I think Linda and I were both trying to come to grips with her cancer in different ways, and for different reasons. She retreated into herself, and I sought support from others. I just couldn't be there emotionally for her.
Linda had become very critical of me, and that is why I kept my distance for a time, but one day I realized it didn't matter. THIS wasn't Linda. It was her anger at the cancer, or the chemo, that was making her so snarky towards me, and I would just ignore it. I will never know if it was me, or the chemo, or the cancer. I will never know if she was intentionally pushing me away, or if I was trying to withdraw emotionally. At some point, it didn't matter. I emailed her and told her that I loved her for 26 years and I was always going to love her. She told me she loved me too. (I'm saving that email) We got together a couple of times, and when it started to look like it was the beginning of the end, we both told each other we were sorry for hurting one another and held each other and cried. Again, I told her that I loved her and she would always be my best friend.
So, it's a new year, and I must go on. Linda told me that I had to go on without her. She knew me, just as she knew how my body responded to the stress of her cancer. Both she and her husband didn't want me to get sick again. I did what I could, but feel it was never enough.
So, I go on. I am having physical therapy this week for bursitis in my left hip. I am meeting a new friend and my sister for lunch on Thursday. I am back to blogging. I have made a new friend through Linda's blog and cancer support group. Last Fall at the retreat I became closer to another woman who invited me to go along with her to another retreat in February! (more about that, in February.) At the end of the month, my sister and I are getting on the bus to see Dwight Yoakam
at a casino up north.
So, I go on, and I choose joy!
I bought this from someone who has her own Bible Journaling group and stamp shop. Korin Sutherland also has a shop on etsy When I saw this, I had to have it. 2016 was not the best year for me.
Next week Bible Study starts up again! I have been trying on my own, but I love to meet with the ladies!
Hope my post wasn't too depressing. A blessed New Year to all my readers!